A mum-of-four recounted the heartbreaking moment she told her kids their 'brilliant' dad was going to die from cancer. Mica Murphy, from Bromsgrove, features in an emotional short film for Stand Up To Cancer.
She told how husband Phil, 33, thought he had acid reflux in April last year. But she said it was like "a bomb had been dropped" when medics later said he had stage four cancer.
Their children asked a series of tear-jerking questions, including: "So you won’t get to be a grandad?" and "what about my wedding?" Phil died of oesophageal cancer last October.
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Mica, 32, shared her family’s story in a film for a joint fundraising campaign from Cancer Research UK and Channel 4. She said she hoped it would inspire people to raise money towards the next treatment breakthrough.
“There’s nothing harder than telling your children a parent is going to die,” said Mica, who works as a civil service compliance officer. “It’s heartbreaking. They asked questions like ‘so you won’t get to be a grandad?’ and ‘what about my wedding?’
“As well as raising awareness and money. I wanted to support Stand Up To Cancer so people can remember Phil and speak his name.”
Mica met Phil online in 2013 and they immediately hit it off. Between them the couple brought together three children - Bella, now 14, Evie, now 11 and Mya, now 12. Their daughter Zara, now four, was born in 2019, three years after they were married.
“Phil was a brilliant dad,” said Mica. “He loved family life and thrived on it. He was smart, intelligent, kind, funny and he rarely had a bad word to say about anyone.”
After experiencing digestive issues, Phil was admitted to hospital after vomiting blood and was diagnosed with cancer in May last year. “He was so healthy, it never crossed my mind that it could be something so serious,” said Mica. “When the doctor said it was stage four, I went into complete shock. It was like a bomb had been dropped.
“The doctor said: ‘I’ve been a doctor for a very long time, and I’ve never seen someone as young as you with cancer like this.” Phil started chemotherapy in June but was so poorly he needed to stay in hospital for the first two cycles. As the side effects lessened, he began to think about returning to his job as a civil service learning and development manager.
“We were hopeful we’d find out the chemotherapy had worked but, after four months, the oncologist told us the tumours had grown,” said Mica. “I didn’t understand that you could have bad news after bad news after bad news.
“He quickly said ‘so this is my last birthday, this will be my last Christmas,” said Mica. “Phil was grieving the loss of his future, the loss of his hopes and dreams. I was grieving everything I thought we were working to get to that was suddenly gone.
“We went from a healthy couple in our early 30s - having fun with a lot to live for - and I can just remember seeing him waste away. On the day he died it was just the two of us in the room. I held his hand and said: It’s OK, I’m here. I love you. I can’t understand still why this happened, but I owe it to Phil to live my life fully. I need to live for both of us and the girls.”
Mica urged people to support Stand Up to Cancer by donating or being sponsored to take on a challenge. A free fundraising pack is available online for inspiration and support. Stand Up To Cancer said it took developments from the lab and accelerated them into new tests and treatments that could help save lives.
Since its launch in 2012, the campaign has raised more than £100m, funding 64 clinical trials and research projects involving more than 13,000 cancer patients. Cancer Research UK spokesperson for the West Midlands, Paula Young, said: “Thanks to our supporters, our researchers are working tirelessly to help more people survive - from developing a molecule to super-charge the immune system to attack tumours, to re-programming viruses to seek and destroy cancer cells.
“But Mica and Phil’s story shows we must go further and faster. One-in-two of us will get cancer in our lifetime. All of us can help beat it. That’s why we’re asking everyone to Stand Up To Cancer with us. Whether it’s choosing to donate, fundraise, or tackle the ups and downs of our squats challenge, if thousands of us take a stand we’ll speed up the progress of vital research – meaning more people live longer, better lives, free from the fear of cancer.”
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